Long week ahead

kweet: sorethroat.lost my voice.

it's gonna be a long week.i hope i'll survive.I think in the midst of everything,I suddenly lost focus.and forgot my priorities and my real concerns.I suddenly don't know who I am and what I want.so funny.

I have always believe that things will fall into places,that if it's meant to be,it's meant to be,that everything will work out for the good of God.

that this yr,2010,is the year of the Lord's favour.no matter how many Lilian Toos out there is saying that those born in the year of the Dragon are gonna go down hard,low and bad this yr,I am not fulfilling this prophecy.for if He is with me,who can be against me?

knowing all these is not gonna make everything better,but maybe a lil bit bearable.I'll just have to keep on believing until i sail through this one.i believe that every closed door is a detour to the right destination.

I just don't want to be the one closing the right doors.

what's the logic behind it?

kweet: some things in life knows no rhyme or reason.

i don't understand.okay i'm gonna say something offensive.but pls,take no offense.i don't mean to target ppl who are obesed or overweight.

I just don't get how come ppl who are overweight and close to obesity can like cheat on someone.yea you can probably argue that you know everyone has the same equal rights to cheating..or being able to cheat on their partner..it matters not if they are fat or really skinny,they are all the same.

is like.no logic.though i've come to a point where i accept that cheating is possible..and that we shudn't gasp and freak out..note that i said accept,and not approve,but though it's acceptable,i still don't know why.like why do ppl do it.

it's already hard enough to find someone you like that would like you back,and you want to throw that away?ah maybe it's when they find someone else who likes them,and they go "ohmygosh..if i can find someone else to like me,maybe i can find more ppl out there that would like me..so yesss there are really THAT many fishes in the ocean"

let me tell you this.if you meet with salted fish,is okay.but don't forget that,piranhas are fishes too.

why God is awesome.

kweet: !!!

Dear Lord,the lady reading this is beautiful,classy and strong.help her live her life to the fullest. Pls promote here and help here to excel above expectations. Help her to shine in darkest places and love where it is impossible. And take care of her everywhere she goes and all that she does. Bless her day! Amen :)

I didn't tell Jacq how I was feeling.and I know she doesn't read blogs cause she has better things to read like her Spiritual Leadership book.she sent me that text msg this morn and it was the first (ok,fine,second..cause first is WeeWangWang's SMS) thing i read this morn..it was such an encouragement.

even if you find yourself slump in the valleys,He'll send ppl to pick you up.

i thought my folks were unhappy abt my interview tmrw,but this morn mumsy woke me up and told me to go get a better shirt and not wear the red one that I have for interview tmrw :) Edward accompanied me and we had lunch with Mhong and the rest at Nandos.

then went to get the shirt,photocopy relevant stuff and drop off some questionnaires at my cousin's house.and before all this,i finished data entry..now all i need is FOUR more non-scholars.prepping for interview and i'll compose a song later,i already have the melody and lyrics!and title!HAHA and photoshoot tonight!let's hope it doesn't rain :)

and yea,I think Ms Grace got it right,when she said "what to do?you want the best of all worlds"

Are you prepared?

are you prepared?

are you prepared?

are you prepared?

everyone keep asking me that question.and i'll asked back in return,prepare for what?and they would all say the same thing..prepare to go UK la!

honestly,i can't even see chinese new year.all i'm worried about now is how am i going to get to Damansara Heights for interview at 9am this Thursday because my classmate is lazy to drive and don't know the way there and I don't think I should drive.

sometimes I feel I don't live for myself any more.all Christians love to say this,i don't live for myself,i live for Christ.

today,all striped to the naked truth that i hold,i don't even live for Christ.I live for the people around me.I live to make them happy.I live for this world.and what the world offers me.

are you prepared for Thurs' interview?No.

are you prepared for exam in 26 days time?No.

are you prepared to write up thesis?No.

are you prepared to go UK?No.

are you prepared to listen to a friend?Yes.

are you prepared to go out of your way for others?Yes.

are you prepared to sacrifice your time/interest for the people in your life?Yes.

are you prepared to betray your own feelings for the benefit of others?Yes.

all the wrong answers to all the wrong questions.

12 more days to CNY

kweet: time to blog!

i'm still collecting data *slits wrist* it's stupid to tell ppl that i'm left with non-scholar students..they're gonna ask me "what's your prob cassie kok!" so i better not say and secretly collect on my own LOL.it's because i panic in the disco abt scholarship students that i focused all my 'qi' on it that i overlooked the other category.I would photocopy another 20 sets of questionnaire Y.Y and that would be 240 sets of questionnaire OHMYGOSH la.thesis is costly.

praps and i went hunting for Wisma E&C on Sunday afternoon cause my interview is on Thursday..and let's just say that nobody was kidding me when they told me that place is far.it's not just far,it's FAR OFF MY RADAR.and honestly,can i drive myself that far is another question.BUT I will grow up and figure this out.this is what life's all about.nobody promised me a rose garden.I am willing to undergo challenges and obstacles to get to where I want to be.chee now cakap saje..sebab cakap tu senang..but yup we'll see when the time comes.

to decide..to make good choices,we have to use our head and crack our brains..or follow our heart..i hate using my brain to weight the pros and cons,dislike having to think what is good for everybody..if there's a way to not use my brain to make decisions,i will opt for that method..but..right now,i don't trust my heart.so,i'm kinda stuck in a situation here.

I believe that most of the time ppl already know what they want,they ask for opinions and suggestions and talk abt it with the ppl around them just to get their approval..or talk long enough..cause when you talk,it's like self-reflecting..and when you do that long enough,you'll realized that you already know all this while.

I'll only decide when I have all the cards dealt in my hands.

of sushi,ice cream and frozen yogurt!

kweet: got a call from Hewitt Associates :)

I had a sucky night but I woke up to a beautiful day.Cause mumsy gave me a wallet!and i love it!and the secret project is officially completed!I couldn't stop smiling every time I look at it.HEHE *beams with pride* the day started off slow..was suppose to meet up with Mike,Ben and Ling at Pyramid.Jeremy and Xiang might joined us.then I couldn't get Ben,and Ling texted to say she might or might not make it :(

then there's only Mike and I.we had Sushi Zanmai for lunch.after lunch,we walked around aimlessly and then sat on his throne and talked for awhile.before Xiang and Ling turned up!Jeremy and Ben couldn't make it.haihz why am i surprised.Ben always ALWAYS FFK :(( went to try the Kindori ice cream..cause Mhong told me it's nice..they are having an offer,where you get the second cup/cone for 50% of the price!the ice cream is..unique.I had cempedak flavour HEHE.

then we catch up a lil and Xiang had to go off and then Ling's friend,Edwin,came to join us and then Liang turned up!and we chatted for awhile and then bid our goodbyes.BUT THEN hehe Mike and I went to get frozen yogurt at J.Co and bought some donuts to bring home.

it has been a long time since he appears in my blog hehe.Mike Woo!

Ling,who would be flying back to Manchester tonight.

if only Nirms is here,then this would be picture perfect.Nirms went to India!

Ling,Mike and Xiang.

haha happy shot :)

me and the boys..

our ice cream..

ok..this is very wrong choice of toppings for yogurt..we would learn from our mistake and would only choose fruits topping in the future!

then i came home and got the call..I was so excited that I almost used my eye-liner pencil to write down the lady's number -_-" it was a great day..much needed after a whole week of hiatus.it was a drama-free,stress-free and filled with laughters day!

and now i sound like some bubbly teenager again!waterfall tmrw!

time of the month

kweet: from now onwards,the only thing or person i should hug is Maruko.

honestly,I don't even know if it's the time of the month.cause stress and hormones has seriously messed up my menstrual cycle.

I have many reasons to be happy today.because I was awesome in the mock interview.if it was a real interview for a real job,I'm confident that I would have gotten the job.and this is coming from someone with low SE.so yes,i'm that confident.but this is just a mock interview.hence,I secured myself a mock job.thanks all those who played "interview interview" game with me especially Leeza Foo who drilled me for 2 nights straight :)

other reasons to be happy?I called Dme and listening to her tell me abt her bday really made me happy.Akash is awesome.Wee Ling replied my msg and gave me her contact number :) and i found out that Evelyn,a senior of mine,is working in PWC,one of the company that I have my eyes on.

but no,i'm not happy.i'm upset.to a point where i wish everyone around me will just shut up.for now.I don't mean it,but right now,that's what I'm hoping for.recently,I found out something that's very disappointing.and I feel offended.and ashamed.it's because I'm naive.and being all in the name of love.it puts me off that it's bad enough that true love is hard to come by,people are abusing it.yes,now i know what it is now.it's a form of abuse.abuse of being in a relationship.for privacy purposes,I cannot say much here but talking abt it disgust me,I'm just thankful that I did not listen with my own two ears.

other heartbreaking stuff...being misunderstood of having bad intentions.which makes me question,what kind of friend i am and have been all this while?do i suck ah?am i a sucky friend?and also turning to someone for support just to be turned away.just after i sent the thing to be framed.heartbreaking.

and all of these in one day.I think enough is enough.

not to forget the person who bragged to me about his travel plans and having found a dutch gf in the wee hours of the morning,right before i go to bed.i would always know when someone is bragging.and displaying awesomeness in front of me.DO NOT.i repeat.DO NOT SELF-DISCLOSE.super lack of social intelligence i tell you when ppl self-disclose unnecessarily."i have a gf now nenebubu what about you?" *stabs*

grow up,won't you,pls grow up.if you think i'm upset and bitter,then you are wrong.i'm just sad for you that THAT is your life purpose.i think everyone should graduate and be financially independent before they start going out with other people.do your thesis for goodness' sake!

i don't know why i'm venting.it's because i have not been doing so.for a very long time.and people are stepping all over me.and suddenly i'm a disappointment to everyone.

and both my feet are hurting from the blisters and no one bothered to ask or be concern about my pain.except Yvonne.through a FB comment.now,ain't this life sad.

is okay,i answer that for myself.yes it is.kthxbye.

i'll come back and delete this.

into the 3rd week

kweet:

supper at Steven's Corner,

dessert at KTZ,

tummy on me,

sleep on bed.

a lousy poem is all I can offer for now.I finished my secret project!so happy :) HEHE.the joy and sneakiness of doing something for someone when that person is still in the unknown.ah i hope my time and effort will be appreciated.

no,that's the wrong thinking.i hate how humans assume that what they give,they have to receive,in terms of relationship.maybe i'll never understand.cause i'm not in a relationship.i don't see the problem in giving endlessly,without receiving *shrug* if you really truly adore someone,why would it matter?

ah research assignment,thesis and internship.yes,let's get back on track.5 more weeks.huh 5 more weeks then exams?semester ini,pantas bagai kilat.

I hope I fly Qatar Airways,cause Jonathan can bid to be on my flight if i tell him my flight details before 15th of feb :)

Accidental

kweet: drunk with fatigue

I've been seeing someone consistently for the past 2 weeks but I didn't tell anyone about it.

so we shall call this someone Ikea because I've been craving to have a slice of Daim cake but time doesn't even permits me to make cake in the toilet.so the real Ikea has to wait.

on one of the times that we were supposed to meet,I felt hesitant.because I'm tired.and I have lots of lots of stuff to do.and seeing someone should not stand in my way of doing all these lot lot stuff.because lots had happen during that week,and I was contemplating on cancelling on our meetup.But,I went because I didn't want to disappoint.

I shared with Ikea about the Lancaster trip and he agreed that I should go for it.and supported my decision.

Before I left,he told me that he actually had a bad day at work that day,he didn't get good feedback from his supervisor,and he was actually quite tired and unwell and wanted to cancel on meeting up with me.because nothing was good about that day.and he just couldn't take it anymore.but he was glad he met me.cause my news of being offered to go to Lancaster made him very,very happy for me.and his day turned around.

and deep down inside,I'm glad I did not cancel out on him.

I only hope that I would continue to accidentally turn ppl's day around for the better,especially those around and closer to me.

I've been seeing someone consistently for the past 2 weeks but i didn't tell anyone about it.and I don't plan to.so please don't ask.cause,trust me,it's not what you think it is.

flying without wings

kweet: pics I took from JP's hp,all taken by Sip.Sip if you're reading this,WE MISS YOU!

to fly without wings,you need a few things.

friends who would stand by you, with or without shirt on.

people who have gone and came back to tell you about it,giving you the encouragement you need

a brave smile to the face,no matter how afraid you are inside.

learn the ropes,of life and what nots.

courage.

sing your heart out,wherever,whenever.

people who would catch you when you fall.

it was a great experience.if not for mhong,i wouldn't have gone for it.and i was afraid.who wouldn't be.but when you are up there in the air,it's..priceless.everything was worth it.the money.the fears of whether you will fall and hit the sea.the anxiety of being up in the air.the worries of whether you will be able to hear when they asked you to start pulling to land.i'm glad they called my name.or I wouldn't have know it was time to land :)

i hope that at the end,of anything,everything will be worth it.the fears.the anxiety.the worries.

cause who can deny the joy it brings,when you find that special thing?